Last Christmas
Last Christmas, I spent most of the day lying on an air mattress at my parents’ house. I was on bedrest for a few days because I’d had some spotting. I was really worried that something was wrong and that I’d lose the baby.
It turned out to be nothing serious (probably cervical bleeding) and everything worked out fine in the end.
I don’t miss being pregnant. Don’t get me wrong, I am unbelievably grateful I was able to get pregnant, and really I had a pretty easy one overall. I had some very painful sciatica in the 4th month, but it went away. I had two spotting instances, but it turned out not to be serious. Plus of course I had all the usual aches and pains and difficulties sleeping. But really, none of that was a big deal.
The two hardest parts were the physical restrictions and the worrying. My doctor didn’t even want me to go for walks in my neighborhood (too hilly) and it was hard to be so careful the whole time. And I’m a born worrier, which is not particularly useful while pregnant. I saw one article that said the miscarriage rate goes up for women who worry a lot. Uh, good idea to publish that one, morons.. that’ll help ease our worries!
Trying out the Ergo carrier
The first semester I worried I would miscarry. By the end of the second trimester, I was actually feeling pretty good, and hopeful it was all going to be fine. Then I started spotting, and freaking out. And during the third trimester I had just a strange, uncomfortable heaviness that I worried about. I know, I know.. I was pregnant, of course I felt a strange heaviness! But my descriptions of the feeling didn’t seem to be like anything anyone else I knew had. It wasn’t Braxton-Hicks, because there was no starting and stopping. It was just there all the time. If I get pregnant again, I’ll know it’s just the way my body feels when pregnant, but at the time it concerned me.
All this to say: this Christmas was completely different. This Christmas, Jack was 8 months old, and had the time of his life playing with ribbons and wrapping paper, and getting lots of love from the rest of the family. I could hardly believe it was real. I teared up more than once, just so grateful that it all worked out and that we now have Jack, who I love more than I can say.
