This has been a very difficult week, sleeping-wise. I finally decided it was time to make a change with Jack’s naps, and transition him to napping in the crib.
Until this week, he has napped in the swing (for up to 3 hours!), in the car seat (when driving or after we get home and he’s still asleep), in a carrier like the sling or the Bjorn, or on one of us. Even napping in the swing had become something of an ordeal; sometimes I could put him in there and he’d fall asleep on his own, but usually it required 5-15 minutes of holding him while he cried and struggled until he would be drowsy enough to go down.
I also wanted him to learn to nap in the crib so we’ll be able to transition his night-time sleeping there as well. He’s still in the co-sleeper attached to the bed in our room; not sure yet when we’ll move him into the crib at night.
We’ve tried crib naps before. He had ONE nap where he fell asleep on his own while under the mobile, and maybe 2-3 catnaps when we placed him in completely asleep (that’s at least 30 minutes of holding him first). We’ve tried the “put him down until he cries, pick him up & soothe him, repeat” method; we’ve tried the “let him cry but stay there while patting him etc”; these were abysmal failures. It was time to try something new.
Jack turned four months on Sunday, and I decided to try a Ferber-esque solution. I’ve never read his book so I don’t really know the details, except that you do “graduated extinction”, e.g. go in to soothe at regular, increasing intervals without picking him up.
I really didn’t want to do this. I had hoped he would learn to nap well on his own eventually, but it’s been a huge struggle. He hates going to sleep. He doesn’t really enjoy staying asleep, either. Every nap’s been a battle, and it’s exhausting. He’s sleep-deprived. (I won’t even talk about his night-time sleep: that is still a huge issue.)
So Monday we began. I put him in the crib fully awake and came in at 3 min, 5 min, then every 10 min. If he didn’t sleep, I kept it up until it was time for him to eat. I did it three times a day, after 1.5 – 2 hours of awake time.
It’s Friday, and we’ve made some progress. Yesterday he took three crib naps, all from a fully-awake state: 1 hour, 1.5 hours, and 30 minutes. He still cried some in the beginning, but that time is getting shorter.
I have mixed feelings about the whole thing. Part of me says, wonderful! It’ll get easier and easier and it’s best for his sleep. And part of me, of course, can’t stand hearing him cry and feels incredible guilt, based on people like Dr. Sears’ assertions that by doing this I’m basically teaching him that he’s alone in the world, and hurting our bond, etc etc.
The thing is, whether you believe that or not, there will never be a way to prove it. Even if you followed parents who practiced attachment parenting or crying it out religiously, you could never separate all the other factors: style of parenting, environment, and of course the babies and parents themselves.
All I know is, we’ve tried everything else, and this seems to be working, and I think the benefits (Jack getting better sleep) outweigh the rest.
At least, that’s what I tell myself.
I don’t even want to talk about night sleeping. I have never been so tired in my life. This week I have been a zombie. I can’t wait til that part gets better and I can return to the human race.
