Four Month Checkup

Yesterday Jack had his four-month checkup.  He’s 25 inches tall now, and 14 pounds (which puts him between the cats still:  Max is about 10.5 pounds, Jemba about 14.5).  His head circumference is still growing at a normal rate, thank goodness, so there doesn’t seem to be anything to worry about there any more.  Actually, I stopped worrying after the head ultrasound; seems like they would have found a problem then if there was one.  The doctor just figures his head grew rapidly in the beginning and then slowed to its normal growth pattern.

I forget the percentiles for that height/weight:  I think 50th height (maybe he won’t be so short after all?) and 20th in weight.

He had the same vaccines as last time:  rotovirus and 4 shots.  When he gets the shots he has a cry I never hear at any other time, a “man that hurts!!” kind of cry.  But he was fine afterwards.

Last time he ended up with a fever of 102; so far no fever this time, yay!

The Good Stuff

It occurred to me that a lot of my posts have been about the tough stuff, and not as much about the fun parts of being a mom.  I guess it’s just that when I am motivated to write a blog post, it’s with the issues I’m struggling with; I don’t really feed the urge to blog about the daily good things that are happening.

So here’s a post about that instead!

Jack is such a smiler.  There are so many smiles every day, all day.  He’s also giggled a few times, which is a joy to hear.  He loves to take walks; pop him in the Bjorn and go out the door and he’s happy as a clam.  He still loves to see other people.  He’s easy to take places and is interested in looking at everything.

He likes to look at books; we do a lot of reading every day.  He just learned to roll from his back to his front and looks so pleased with himself when he holds his head up high on his tummy.  He is starting to notice the cats and reaches out to touch Jemba when he’s near.  (Max doesn’t come too close!)  Sometimes he does “crunches” when sitting on our laps, lifting his head forward.  He loves to be sung to; when I sing him a song before nap time it always makes him smile.

Not a day goes by that I don’t look at him and think how lucky we are to have him.

Operation Crib Nap

This has been a very difficult week, sleeping-wise. I finally decided it was time to make a change with Jack’s naps, and transition him to napping in the crib.

Until this week, he has napped in the swing (for up to 3 hours!), in the car seat (when driving or after we get home and he’s still asleep), in a carrier like the sling or the Bjorn, or on one of us. Even napping in the swing had become something of an ordeal; sometimes I could put him in there and he’d fall asleep on his own, but usually it required 5-15 minutes of holding him while he cried and struggled until he would be drowsy enough to go down.

I also wanted him to learn to nap in the crib so we’ll be able to transition his night-time sleeping there as well. He’s still in the co-sleeper attached to the bed in our room; not sure yet when we’ll move him into the crib at night.

We’ve tried crib naps before. He had ONE nap where he fell asleep on his own while under the mobile, and maybe 2-3 catnaps when we placed him in completely asleep (that’s at least 30 minutes of holding him first). We’ve tried the “put him down until he cries, pick him up & soothe him, repeat” method; we’ve tried the “let him cry but stay there while patting him etc”; these were abysmal failures. It was time to try something new.

Jack turned four months on Sunday, and I decided to try a Ferber-esque solution. I’ve never read his book so I don’t really know the details, except that you do “graduated extinction”, e.g. go in to soothe at regular, increasing intervals without picking him up.

I really didn’t want to do this. I had hoped he would learn to nap well on his own eventually, but it’s been a huge struggle. He hates going to sleep. He doesn’t really enjoy staying asleep, either. Every nap’s been a battle, and it’s exhausting. He’s sleep-deprived. (I won’t even talk about his night-time sleep: that is still a huge issue.)

So Monday we began. I put him in the crib fully awake and came in at 3 min, 5 min, then every 10 min. If he didn’t sleep, I kept it up until it was time for him to eat. I did it three times a day, after 1.5 - 2 hours of awake time.

It’s Friday, and we’ve made some progress. Yesterday he took three crib naps, all from a fully-awake state: 1 hour, 1.5 hours, and 30 minutes. He still cried some in the beginning, but that time is getting shorter.

I have mixed feelings about the whole thing. Part of me says, wonderful! It’ll get easier and easier and it’s best for his sleep. And part of me, of course, can’t stand hearing him cry and feels incredible guilt, based on people like Dr. Sears’ assertions that by doing this I’m basically teaching him that he’s alone in the world, and hurting our bond, etc etc.

The thing is, whether you believe that or not, there will never be a way to prove it. Even if you followed parents who practiced attachment parenting or crying it out religiously, you could never separate all the other factors: style of parenting, environment, and of course the babies and parents themselves.

All I know is, we’ve tried everything else, and this seems to be working, and I think the benefits (Jack getting better sleep) outweigh the rest.

At least, that’s what I tell myself.

I don’t even want to talk about night sleeping. I have never been so tired in my life. This week I have been a zombie. I can’t wait til that part gets better and I can return to the human race.

One Year

This past Saturday, August 2nd, marked one year since I found out I was pregnant.

It was a roller coaster day.  In the previous month, I had taken the drug Femera (to increase egg production), and injected myself with hormones.  Two weeks prior we had done an IUI (that’s the proper term for artificial insemination these days).

The previous 2.5 years I had rarely taken a pregnancy test, figuring, why waste the money.  I had done three IUIs and taken Femara before, but this was the first time with the injections.  I was convinced I would not be pregnant; there was only about a 20% chance it would work.  I readied myself for the words “not pregnant” to appear on the digital readout.

I took the test and waited exactly three minutes before I looked.  It read “pregnant”.  I knew it was a mistake.  There’s no way it had finally worked.  I called Chris, my voice shaking, to tell him the news, and then called the doctor’s office; they said to come in and take a blood test.

When I arrived, the receptionist informed me I would need to take a urine test first.  I didn’t really see the point, but fine; I took it and gave it to her and I was leaving the waiting room, I said “How long before I’ll know the results?”  She told me she’d check it right now, then came back and announced to the entire waiting room, in a cheerful voice, “It’s negative.”

I was stunned.  What had happened?  False positives were so rare!  My hopes were dashed; I called Chris and left him a tearful voicemail and made my way home.  Shortly after I got home, the phone rang and it was the receptionist again.  “It’s positive,” she said.  “What?”  “The test… it’s positive.  I waited a little longer.”

I was reeling again.  So maybe I was pregnant after all?  I called Chris yet again.  A little while later another woman from the doctor’s office called.  “So, are you coming in to take a blood test?” she asked.  “No,” I said.  “You told me to just go home.”

Back to the lab, they took my blood, said they’d call me the next day.  All night I tried not to get my hopes up that it was true.  At 8 AM the phone rang.  It was the receptionist.  “I have your results!” she said excitedly.  “It’s 200!”

I paused.  “What does that mean?”

“I don’t know.  Only a doctor can tell you that.”

“So you can’t tell me ANYTHING?”

“Nope!”

I WAS PISSED!  Why was she calling me to tell me NOTHING?  I called all afternoon waiting to speak to the doctor; finally the receptionist came back on the phone, after I was on hold 20 minutes, and said “You have to take the test again you’re pregnant.”   “WHAT?” I said.  “You have to take the test again.”  “No.. the second part!”  “Oh.. you’re pregnant.”

As it turns out, the number represents the level of the hormone hCG, and I had to take a second test two days later to see if the numbers were rising appropriately.  (Which they were.)  I could finally relax and believe it.

I didn’t believe I was having a baby, not yet.. but I knew I could get pregnant, and that was the most important thing.

Needless to say, that woman doesn’t work there any more.  (Nothing to do with me!)

I’m Alone in the House!

Chris just took Jack on a CostCo adventure, so I am alllooonne!!  With the two cats, of course.  It almost didn’t happen because Chris’s car wouldn’t start, but we jump started it and off he went.

I’ve been out on my own without Jack lots of times, but very rarely been alone at home.  It is rather exciting.

Last night was rough.  It started out well, but Jack woke up a lot and at 4:30 was very upset.  I don’t know why that time is so difficult for him.

I tried to sleep in a little when Chris got up and took Jack downstairs but it didn’t work very well.  Jack is nearly 4 months old, and I’m just as tired as ever.  I sure hope his sleeping improves soon.  He is starting to roll over on his side sometimes now, which does help soothe him.  He gets right up against the side of the cosleeper and often grabs the side (the side that is flush against the bed) and hangs on tightly.  So cute.

Cloth Diapers

Since Jack was born, we’ve been using a cloth diaper service.  Overall I’m still happy with cloth diapers, but they do have some disadvantages.

I don’t think I’d use cloth if we didn’t have a service; there’s enough laundry without washing all those diapers as well.  In the first few weeks we were using 90 a week!  Now I think we’re around 60.  (We also put a clean diaper on the changing pad to save having to wash that as often, though not for every diaper change.)  If I’m going out for the day or overnight, I’ll still use cloth, but if I were traveling for longer I’d use disposable.

We had been having a lot of problems with leaks, but that’s gotten better since we switched to the next size up, and now at night we put an extra diaper down the middle.

Anyway, the cons:

• Bulk:  they are much bigger than disposables, so they take up a lot more room in the diaper bag.  If you wanted to travel for a week you’d need a big bag to lug them around in!
• Diaper covers:  we finally found some that seem to work pretty well and contain the diaper adequately:  Bummis Super Whisper Wrap.  The problem is that when they get dirty, they stain.  (We own these, and wash them ourselves.)  I wash them in the machine with a small amount of a very mild detergent, and line dry them.  Anyone have any suggestions for getting out poop stains?
• Travel:  if you use them when you go out, you gotta haul them back home.  No big deal when you’re just out for the afternoon, but a day’s worth of diapers starts to take up a lot of room, and stink.  I would not want to haul back a week’s worth on the plane.  Right now I use whatever plastic bags we have around the house to put them in, but it’s not a very reusable solution.  Anyone have suggestions for something that can contain dirty diapers and used multiple times?

We’ll continue to use them for the foreseeable future.

Something Besides Sleep

Sleep is still the biggest thing going on (or not going on) around here, but I’m tired (ha ha) of talking about it.  So let’s talk about something else!

We’ve been going on lots of hikes/walks with Jack, usually with him in the Bjorn.  I’ve been putting him front-facing when we’re around the house or in the yard, but for bigger trips he’s still facing in.  On Sunday we went to the Yahoo! picnic at the San Mateo County Fairgrounds, where the theme was dinosaurs.  Chris had Jack in the Bjorn and he slept through a lot of it.

Jack is still pretty sociable; if someone else is holding him and walking him around he’s pretty happy.  He likes to be out and about.  When I take him to the grocery store, I put him in the sling and he’s a happy camper.  He used to sleep in there but now he sits up and looks at everything.

He gets excited when we put him in the car seat because he knows he’s going somewhere.  He used to always sleep in the car, but now he stays awake sometimes and looks out the window.  When he sees me looking at him in the mirror (we have one in the back so we can see him in the rearview mirror) he gives me a big smile.

He’s rolling from front to back like a champ, and will roll to his side if you hold his hand or if he grabs a toy.  He is reaching out to books when I read to him, and sometimes ends up turning the pages (an accident no doubt, but still fun).

He’s started to outgrow some of his clothes (including my favorite outfit, sob!) but that means he’s wearing some of his 3-6 month clothes, which are also very cute.

He’s full of smiles.

Exercise

I’m slowly starting to exercise again.  When I got pregnant, my doctor advised me not to run, hike, or walk on hills.  Given my neighborhood is hills in all directions, that was a bummer.  When I went for walks I had to drive somewhere.  I should’ve done things like swimming and yoga but I never got around to finding places to do them.

Anyway, recently I’ve been hiking on the trails near our house with Jack in the Bjorn, which I really enjoy.  I have also begun my return to running, very very slowly.  Since it’s been so long and I’m so out of shape I decided to try the Couch to 5K program, which alternates walking and running as you build up endurance.  It feels funny to only run for a minute at a time, but I definitely want to take it easy. I’ve only done two rounds so far; once on the weekend and once when Chris got home from work.  Yesterday I saw a rattlesnake.

And Now I’m 36

What did I do for my birthday today?  Cleaned the cat boxes!

Actually that made me happy.  Not cleaning the cat boxes, that is not particularly fun (doing a thorough dump-everything-out-and-scrub cleaning).  But what it represents.

When we were first trying to get pregnant at the start of 2005, Chris took over cleaning the litter boxes.  I figured it would only be a matter of time before it became my job again; instead, it’s been his job for 3.5 years.  Cleaning the cat boxes means I am no longer trying to get pregnant, and it means I no longer am pregnant:  it means I have a baby!  So yeah, cleaning the cat boxes made me happy.

It also felt like a more normal kind of day.  Some days I don’t get anything done besides taking care of Jack.  Which is fine, obviously that’s important, but I also want to ease back into my normal routine, and be able to do chores during the week so that when Chris is home it can just be family time.

I even vacuumed with Jack in the Bjorn.  Very productive day!

Whoa

Our doula just sent us the photos she took during the birth.  They’re at the business end of things right when Jack is born.

At first I wasn’t sure if I wanted to look at them, but of course I did in the end.  After my initial moment of squickiness, I actually found them pretty fascinating.  It’s still hard to believe that a baby could come out of there, y’know?  Seeing his head out and the rest of his body still inside me is just amazing.

So I posted them on Flickr.. just kidding.  The first thing I did was tag them to NOT appear in the slideshow on my laptop.  (Vista automatically includes all the photos it finds.)  Cause I’m pretty sure not everyone wants to see that.